Life

If breathing is hard then life is impossible.

I realize I write about how much I love life here and rarely give you glimpses of this life that make you understand why I love it so much. I guess I can't explain it exactly. I love speaking another language, which I could manage easily enough in San Antonio, though not Arabic to be sure. I love walking to work, saying hello to the people on the street, seeing the beautiful dresses that the women wear, which carry their owners down the street. I love that someone you don't know will go out of your way to give you a ride across town when you really need to get somewhere.

I guess I love it here because I was made to love it here. My Creator wants me here now, and He gives grace for me to thrive in Him and see His beauty all around me. And the truth is, if I didn't love it, He would still give me the grace to thrive in Him, and that would be enough. For sure there are the hard days, the days when you have a problem at work and would know exactly what to do if you were back home, but have no idea what to do here and want to curl up and watch a movie in your air conditioning rather than deal with the problem in one billion degree heat. There are the days which make those rough days at work seem easy. There are days when you just want to see your family and friends and let them see you and your heart, hear your voice and your passion, allow for comfortable silence over a pizza rather than manage so many relationships via letters on a computer screen. I miss comfortable silences with my far away loved ones. Just being able to be with someone and not say anything works so much more out than so many things I might want to say.

I have great roommates. I love them so much. I know for sure that I do not deserve them. They too are gifts from our Father.

There is Cool. She is so positive and giving. She loves to give and care for others. She's beautiful. She's full of grace and shows me how to give it. She's supportive, a great cheerleader.

And there's also LL. I love to bounce things off of her, listen to what she has to say. I don't share a lot of my strong opinions with many people, but she hears most, because she will never be angry if we disagree, and will always listen then respond, rather than simply wait to respond.

In case you didn't catch it, I'm J. Together we make LL Cool J. Catchy, I know.

I have a family here too, besides the roommates. Jane and Charles are like a brother and sister to me. Their recent addition to the family, Sweetie, is my niece. I realized that I wanted to be friends with Jane when I watched her selflessly love people around her. What a great person to learn from. She shows me how to be more like Jesus.

I have great coworkers, who love me when I am for sure a monster, and honestly share their lives with me. One is like a big sister. I'm not sure if she would like that, since I don't know if I would like my age thrown out like that. But she is, and only in the best way. I know I can go to her for advice and wisdom and she has years of experience that go behind her answers to my questions. Another is new, and I'm really thankful for her too, and how she has become someone I work with so much. She brings much wisdom and encouragement. I hope one day she gets to marry John Krasinski for as much as she loves him. If he ever meets her and doesn't realize how awesome she is, then he doesn't deserve her.

Another couple bring great wisdom and insight into life here. They have extraordinarily good perspective. I recently read The Cost of Discipleship and several times realized that what Bonhoeffer was saying was what these people lived and showed me in real life.

How am I going to leave these great people? I can only trust that the grace that brought them into my life will be enough to say goodbye as well. Saying so many goodbyes has been hard the last ten years or so. I'm tired of it, to be honest. One day we'll all be together, we'll all be at the throne, we'll all rejoice. And it will be for forever! One day.

I didn't mean for this post to turn out like this, but I guess it did.

Much love